with rain... Light rain spatters against the window panes, sliding their way down the glass to the soaked earth below. It falls and falls, monotonously and silently. It is hard to believe that it is August. No trace of sun in London now, only grey clouds, and dark skies.
I went to the doctor and there is no news. He does not think, and I accentuate the word 'think' it is cancer, so I should be celebrating, but I feel devoid of all emotion, to be honest. The baby shark is still there at the back of my brain saying, 'what if....' and I don't have any replies. The doctor says I must wait for a month to see if there are any changes. I feel nothing, I want to see no one, I have spoken to no one, merely sit and stare at the screen of the television or my computer, seeing but actually deep within myself.
Not depressed though. I realise that I am resting, I am gathering my reserves for whatever may come at me in the next month or so when I start work again. I do not feel lonely, I do not feel alone. Merely recharging and flowing back into the London that I know having been on holiday, flowing like a little tributary into its mother river.
London, I am back.
Minerva
5 comments:
Minerva,
It seems rather serendipitous that I came from one blog mentioning the dissolution** of a lump of walnut size worry, and arrive here to see you in contemplation about one. I'll offer the link just in case it has something you want or need:
http://nakedjen.blogs.com/nakedjen/2005/08/fat_free_boobs.html
**due to drinking a certain tea, perhaps
The month long wait seems cruel. Is there another option for achieving answers?
Love to you,
Holy crap! Get yourself to another medical facility, girl! You don't sit around and wait to see if there is a change if you're talking about a breast lump. Even if it is only a cyst, it needs to be biopsied, drained--if filled with fluid--and at least examined by sonogram! (I presume you've already had an X-ray?)
It sounds like someone else has already said it but seriously, get a second opinion. Get a test. It will ease your mind if your free and clear and the sooner you get treatment the better off you'll be if it is, god forbid, cancer.
My mother found a lump and her doctor told her to wait it out. She waited six months because the doctor minimized it so much. That six months could have saved her life.
Please, if only to ease MY mind, get it checked out. I don't say that to scare you, I just want you to be sure.
I totally agree. This is not something to be patient about. If for no other reason than it is so harmful to mental health, the ability to work, the ability to sleep. I have been through this and it takes a terrible toal. Get that opinion. I will pray. I am sitting here wearing my race for the cure shirt as I type.....don't sit back, even though it is such a shock, don't take time to think, get fighting now!
My thoughts are with you.
Post a Comment